Start the New Year with a wonderful feeling – gratitude.
The easiest way to be happy in your relationship is to identify what makes you grateful about the other person. If the list is short you have to look harder . . . or for another person.
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Why make a relationship gratitude list? For me, it is a way of appreciating what I have.
Every day is special if we are willing to acknowledge the magic that is life. Furthermore, sharing this with someone we love is an immense gift from the universe. Making a relationship gratitude list gives us an opportunity to become conscious of what we have.
It helps me when I put pen to paper (or fingers to keypad). This action clarifies my thinking process and concretizes vague feelings and ideas which then morph into precise objects of understanding.
What are you grateful for about your partner? Here is my list of qualities I am grateful for about my wife.
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I am grateful she accepts me as I am. This does not mean she likes everything about me, but she does accept me. This is a huge gift and I know many of you have felt unaccepted in a relationship (me too) and it is a debilitating experience.
No matter what you do, accomplish, or be . . . it is never good enough. We start to feel there is something intrinsically wrong with us and, as we all have some self-doubts, having our partner feed into this shrinks any feelings of self-worth we may have had. This is not a happy place to live.
Even though my wife accepts me as I am, I do not use that as an excuse not to improve myself. In fact, I strive harder to be a better man because of her acceptance.
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I am grateful my partner has my best interests in mind. I don’t always, in the moment, like how she tries to “help” me look after myself, but when I get over myself and look at what she is attempting, then I can appreciate she does indeed have my best interests at heart. Knowing someone has your back creates a feeling of security and trust.
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I am grateful she is willing to work through issues. Yes, even after seventeen years, shit still comes up. We are not perfect and we have our stuff, our idiosyncrasies, our temperaments, and our beliefs as to how things should be. This inevitably creates conflict. However, my partner is willing to work it out, and so am I.
Relationship gurus are constantly talking about the ability to manage conflict and that without this skill set a truly happy relationship will not be possible. Managing conflict does not mean we always come to a mutually agreeable solution (though this happens a lot) but that each partner feels heard, respected, and understood. Sometimes, we agree to disagree and that’s OK.
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I am grateful my wife loves cooking and can create masterpieces of cuisine out of leftovers. She is amazing at this. Her dishes not only taste good but look great too. This aesthetic sense is part of her artistic nature. She once said, “My cooking is how I show you my love.” She must love me a lot as she cooks for me whenever she can.
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I am grateful how she takes a keen interest in making her surroundings an expression of her sense of beauty. Our living spaces are full of life, color, and spirit. Our rooms’ breathe life and vitality in their expressiveness.
When people come over they are entranced with the objects that inhabit the floors and walls. Even her chest of drawers is a work of art. Everything she owns expresses who she is and I have learned to appreciate this and incorporate this form of self-expression more and more into my own life.
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I am grateful my partner lives a spiritual life. This is humbling in the extreme. Every day I witness her engagement with self-growth, spirit, and incorporating her learning into lived experience. She touches people with an inner light that people are constantly commenting on. I get to bath in this energy every day. I am grateful for this.
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I am grateful my partner is attuned to her feminine energy. Probably one of the things that attracted me to her. And, she is a feminist. She has managed to marry what some people might see as opposites with ease and grace. Keeps me on my toes too.
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I am grateful for my partner’s intelligence. This is an interesting one as she is very subtle in demonstrating what she knows. Because, she has no interest in facts (even though she has a science degree) but in the truth, the meaning of things, and how they affect our being in the world. What good is a fact in and of itself especially if it is not used wisely? To be more precise, I live with a wise woman. Through her wisdom, I have come to appreciate living my life from the heart in all I think, say, and do.
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I could go on but I am sure you get the idea. To take this exercise to the next level, wouldn’t it be great to know what your partner values about you. Now we are sharing, creating mutual appreciation, and setting a positive tone for the New Year.
What a way for you and your partner to show how you feel about one another. Ideally, you would read your list out loud to the other person. Doing this over candle light, a glass of wine, and some chocolate will complete the scene (have Kleenex handy).
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Thanks for reading my articles, commenting, and sharing this past year. Please, if you have any topics you want me to write on, let me know. Until the next article, I wish you a Happy New Year and all the best in your relationship.
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Photo: Flickr/Adam Jones
The post Making A Relationship Gratitude List: How To Set A Positive Tone For The New Year appeared first on The Good Men Project.